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Jake Tapper and Jake Tapper 2.0

(If) I Participated In a Media Cover-Up.

A new literary genre is emerging. It’s called “Pay me money for something I should have told you about years ago.”

The Tolstoy of this genre, CNN’s Jake Tapper, paved the way with his seminal tour de force, a biography about former (nominal) President Joe Biden with a dramatically religious title: Original Sin: President Biden’s Decline, Its Cover-Up, and His Disastrous Choice to Run Again.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I read that title, I hear a cartoonish DUN DUN DUUUUN!!!! Why it couldn’t be called The Unmaking of the President or All the President’s Puppeteers, I don’t know. If Tapper was really set on a biblical name, he might have at least considered Babel. But then again, he’s the literary mastermind, and I’m not.

And don’t question that the CNN anchor is a literary mastermind. Because he is. Indubitably.

We know this because the media — yes, that media; the media that denied Biden’s decline for years — tells us so. They have been fawning over Tapper’s new book since before it came out, gawking in awe and wonder, “How did he do it? How did Tapper manage to unravel the greatest presidential secret of all time — WHICH ABSOLUTELY NOBODY KNEW ABOUT.”

Check out this review from the //Los Angeles Times//, for example: “Jake Tapper and Alex Thompson’s superbly reported ‘Original Sin: President Biden’s Decline, Its Cover-Up, and His Disastrous Choice to Run Again’ reads like a Shakespearean drama on steroids.”

“Now wait a minute,” you might push back. “Why is that when I pointed out Biden’s (very obvious) decline, I was labeled a ‘conspiracy theorist,’ but when Tapper does it, he’s compared favorably to Shakespeare, and his book becomes a critically acclaimed New York Times bestseller?”

Just last June, three days before Biden’s disastrous presidential debate with Donald Trump, media figurehead Juan Williams blasted the president’s critics for “sending out misleading videos to add credibility to the idea that an aging President Biden is mentally incompetent,” which he implied could “cost us our democracy.” So, yeah, we’ve certainly come a long way since then. Will Mr. Williams condemn Tapper’s book, which, by his own standards, may “cost us our democracy?” I wouldn’t hold my breath.

You see, the difference between you and Tapper is that you, dear plebeian, aren’t qualified to write in this new literary style. Here’s the insider guide on how to qualify:

Step #1: Deny (2020-June 2024)
You’re a Biden apologist. He can do no wrong. If he falls off his bike, deny it. If he makes up words or slurs his way through important speeches, pretend you didn’t hear. You must act personally offended whenever some radical MAGA threat to democracy suggests that Biden is unfit for office.

Step #2: Defend (June-November 2024)
Change of mind: Biden is unfit. Can you believe how badly he slurred his way through that presidential debate? Shocking. However, when he drops out of the race, you must defend his honor and dignity and courage and George Washington-likeness.

Take it from the NYT editorial board: “President Biden’s decision to exit the 2024 presidential election is a fitting coda for a man whose life has been devoted to public service. Mr. Biden has served the nation well as its president. … He has placed the national interest above his own pride and ambition.” Are you teary-eyed yet?

Step #3: Denounce (November-)
Scratch that. Biden’s the bad guy now. The knives are out. Whatever you do, don’t get caught acting like you knew about his decline all along (that might discredit the media!). Something like this should suffice: “The president wasn’t fit for office? Are you kidding me?!? I had no idea! There must have been some sort of cOvEr-uP (and I certainly had nothing to do with it).”

Take your cues from the hyenas in The Lion King (in this case, Ed is that one obligatory right-winger on your network who’s been talking about Biden’s decline since before it was cool):

\\ If and when you’ve completed those three steps — congratulations! — you’re now qualified to write your magnum opus in the “I-should-have-told-you-about-it-years-ago” genre. And while it may be difficult to live up to Tapper’s eminent classic, Karine Jean-Pierre, Biden’s White House press secretary, has announced that she’s taking a crack at it. Her groundbreaking new book, which will reportedly uncover groundbreaking new secrets about the Biden administration, really ought to be titled Groundbreaking: How Biden’s Spokesperson Uncovered Groundbreaking New Secrets About the Biden Administration, because even though Tapper already said it (and even though normal people have known it for years), the media will likely still act surprised when she drops her bombshell: Biden, believe it or not, may not have been fit for office.

If she’s lucky, they may even compare her to Jane Austen on steroids.

Of course, you may remember that KJP was the one who, last year, popularized and defended the phrase “cheap fakes,” which she claimed misled the public about Biden’s true condition.

See for yourself:

Some may see this as yet another sign of the media’s contempt for the American people — on both sides of the aisle. One can almost hear Tapper and KJP whispering underneath their breaths, “We know we called you conspiracy theorists, and we know we lied to you in the past — but please pay us $27.00 to read our new books!”

But for those who enjoy such books — the media’s equivalent of O.J. Simpson’s (If) I Did It — we should be grateful that the future of the genre is in good hands. Honestly, Tapper should consider (If) I Participated In a Media Cover-Up — Which, Of Course, I Would Never Do for his sequel.

What’s next? Deceived: My Husband’s Secret Battle With Mental Decline by Jill Biden? The Apple Didn’t Fall Far From the Tree After All by Hunter? The possibilities are endless!

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Created:	2025-06-11 18:50 GMT
Updated:	2025-06-18 07:00 GMT
Published:	2025-06-11 19:00 GMT
Converted:	2025-11-11 12:05 GMT
Change Author:	Jakob Fay
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